Cat on a Hot Tin Roof–That’s the Plantation Tin Roof of a Poipu Vacation Rental July 6, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentCat On A Hot Tin Roof
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up.
The brother hesitated, then said, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but while you were away, your cat died.”
The man was distraught and yelled, “You know, you shouldn’t just give me terrible news like that all at once. You should break the news to me gently.
His brother says “How could I possibly have given you this terrible news gently?”
His brother says “Well to begin with, when I called today, you should have said that my cat was in a tree and wouldn’t come down. You could have also told me that the fire department had been called to get the cat down out of the tree. Then, that night, you could say the fire department was still working to get my cat down from the tree.
The next day you could have called and said that while attempting to get my cat out of the tree, it had fallen and been taken to the vet. It was in serious but stable condition.
The third day you could have said, that despite heroic efforts, my cat could not be saved and had passed away. Do you see how much easier it would have been on me to learn of this terrible news over three days, instead of the abrupt way you gave me the news?
His brother thought about it and apologized ”Yes, I’m so sorry I shocked you and I will learn a valuable lesson from this.”
The other brother says “I’m glad to hear that. By the way, how’s Mom?”
”She’s in the tree.”
KauaiHerb
The Zen of Vacation Rental Sarcasm July 5, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , 1 comment so farIts always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
KauaiHerb
Poipu Vacation Rental After Hours Guide June 8, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentThis list will, of necessity, be rather short. That’s because, unlike Maui or Oahu, both of which have an active nightlife, there is not a tremendous amount to do after 9pm. on Kauai. After all you came to Kauai for the outdoor challenges, didn’t you? So, after a hearty day spent zip-lining, scuba diving, snorkeling, surfing, kayaking, bicycling downhill, wind surfing, kite surfing, swimming, hiking, stand up paddle boarding, beach volleyball or tennis, how much energy do you have left anyway? Just in case the answer is, “I still have some fuel left in this tank”, here all of the possibilities on the south shore.
The Point-Located right on the point where land hits water at the Sheraton Hotel. You might want to call ahead but usually there is some kind of music playing and they do have a dance floor. Some evenings a DJ is present.
Stevensons Library-Located in the Grand Hyatt. Probably the most sophisticated of spots, there’s live jazz on Friday and Saturday nights The group that plays has been doing this forever and is quite good. A monster fish tank provides a serene atmosphere. There are also two pool tables and if someone is using them, put your name in at the bar. One nice feature is that sushi can be ordered off the bar menu. Pricey, but very good.
Keoki’s Paradise-Great, large, circular bar is filled up most evenings with a lively crowd. Live music on the weekends with a small dance floor. There are also a large number of tables in the bar area serving the bar menu, which is very good. Many of the dishes are prepared at a separate, glass enclosed cooking station you encounter just inside the front entrance. Service is good and the drinks are good.
I told you the list was short. There are other restaurants with bars that go a good pre-dinner business at the bar, such as the Beach House, Casa di Amicis, Tidepools, however their bars close when dinner ends, usually at nine or ten p.m. And even the places that stay open “late” close by midnight or one a.m. After all, you’ve got to get up early the next day for some more of those challenging outdoor activities, right?
KauaiHerb
Top Ten Things Found Only In America May 16, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentThings Found Only In America
1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America……do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America……do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America……do we use the word “politics” to describe the process so well: “poli” in Latin meaning “many” and “tics” meaning “bloodsucking creatures.”
10. Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
KauaiHerb
Kauai Police Blotter of Yesteryear May 14, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentHere’s more from the Police Blotter from 2001, published in The Garden Island Newspaper. These are factual accounts of happenings on our wonderful island out here in the middle of the ocean.
- A caller reported hearing strange noises at the golf course across Kuhio Highway. Officers found a wild boar grazing on the #10 tee.
- A woman called to complain that her neighbors were interfering in the argument she was having with her husband.
- There was a request for police to deliver a message to a member of a visiting parachute jumping team, and it was duly noted that the message had been left taped to the airplane.
- There was an urgent call for police to investigate a report of three men at the Coconut Marketplace dressed in camouflage and carrying what appeared to be live ammunition. Turns out it was three actors working on a movie being filmed near by who were taking a shopping break.
- A caller from the North Shore that lives right on Kuhio Highway complained that people were stopping to use his outdoor shower.
- An elderly gentleman in Lawai called to complain that someone removed his good tire and replaced it with an old flat one.
- The owner of a dress shop said she has a problem because someone is looking through the racks and slipping religious literature in the pockets of all her clothing.
- A 3 a.m. caller reported someone pounding on the back door of Hamura’s Saimin. Police found a young man who said his wife was craving saimin and sorry, he didn’t realize the restaurant was closed.
- A caller said a man was chasing cars near the museum late at night. It turned out to be a drunk on a bicycle and because driving under the influence doesn’t cover bikes, police took him home “without incident”.
- A man at a Lihue motel asked to speak to an officer because someone was playing with his mind.
- A Kekaha man asked police to swing by and tell his wife to leave him alone while he repairs his boat.
KauaiHerb
Lipstick at School May 12, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentAccording to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators…
KauaiHerb
A Child’s Prayer May 11, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentDear God,
Please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy’s computer.
Amen
KauaiHerb
Science Ideas From Fifth and Sixth Graders May 9, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentThe following ideas about science were obtained from essays, exams and classroom discussions of 5th and 6th graders.
They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the ‘most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.’
- A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
- A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
- In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
- Marie Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute in France.
- One on the main causes of dust is janitors.
- Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
- Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
- The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
- The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
- To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
- Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
- Wind is like the air, only pushier.
- Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.
- Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
- Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.
KauaiHerb
Dear Abby from Poipu Beach May 7, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , 1 comment so farDear Abby:
I’ve never written to you before, but I need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife is cheating on me. The usual signs – if my phone rings, I pick it up and the person on the other end hangs up. My wife has been “going out with the girls” a lot recently, although when I ask their names, she always responds, “Just some friends from work; you don’t know them.”
I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down that I just don’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I really checked on her.
Around midnight I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so that I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from her night out with “the girls.” When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, when I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. Is this something I can fix myself, or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?
Signed, Perplexed in Poipu Beach
KauaiHerb
Top Five Reasons To Stay in a Poipu Beach Vacation Rental May 7, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentAs you are browsing through a multitude of Kauai Vacation Rental listings, you may notice that those in Poipu are a bit pricier than some others. Rates are definitely lower in Waimea, Kekaka and Kalaheo, you say, so why spend the extra bucks to stay at Poipu Beach? Here are the top five reasons why vacation rentals in Poipu Beach are the most highly desired:
1. Poipu Beach is a resort area. That means there is lots to do within walking distance or a very short drive. The four hotels in Poipu, Grand Hyatt, Sheraton, Marriott and Koa Kea are all on the ocean and have great restaurants and spas. Also Poipu Shopping Village has art galleries, a mini-mart for groceries and many other fun stores from clothing to sunglasses with a Puka Dog thrown in for good measure.
2. The most concentrated collection of restaurants on Kauai. I’m going to write a Guide to Poipu Restaurants in another blog, however suffice to say here that there are a multitude of choices that are bound to please everyone in the family.
3. Things To Do. Think you’ll get tired of walking down to Poipu Beach and Poipu Beach Park every day? Well there’s lot more to do than just sunbathe, surf, swim, snorkel, stand up paddle board, scuba dive and snuba. How about horse back riding, two great golf courses, ocean kayaking, ATVs, Zip-lining, river kayaking, hiking, two different luaus, sunset sails and helicopter adventures? Look for another blog to cover this subject in detail.
4. Beaches. In addition to being the only life guarded beach on the south shore, Poipu Beach has been named the number one beach in the United States more than once. But don’t stop there, you can go to Brennecke’s Beach for great boogie boarding; Lawai Beach for the best snorkeling on the south shore; Baby Beach for a laid back casual vibe and Shipwrecks Beach next to the Grand Hyatt.
5. Location, Location, Location. Poipu is a great central location for seeing the rest of Kauai. When you stay in Poipu Beach you will most likely want to see at least two other areas of the island–the north shore and Waimea Canyon/Polihale State Park. The north shore of Kauai is beautiful, due to the 165 inches of rain a year there compared to 25 inches in Poipu. Many visitors elect to spend part of their Kauai stay on the north shore. I suggest, that unless you like a lot of rain, stay in Poipu and make the one hour drive north and spend the day, then come back home to the sunny south shore. The west side of the island has the beautiful Waimea Canyon and Kokee State Park at the top. This is a must see as it is so different from the rest of the island. You can get there in an hour and on your way home stop at Polihale State Park. The road was just graded as of April, 2009, and you can enjoy the longest unbroken expanse of white sand beach in the Hawaiian Islands.
So whichever way you travel on Kauai, you’ll be right in the center of things in Poipu.
KauaiHerb