Sippin’ Wine on That There Lanai of your Poipu Vacation Rental July 31, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentWith the success of Two Buck Chuck wine from Trader Joes, it was only a matter of time before there was competition. With these tough economic times Wal-Mart has announced that, sometime in 2009, it will begin offering customers a new discount item, Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine.
The world’s largest retail chain is rumoured to be teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of Napa to produce the spirits at an affordable price – in the $1 to $3 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but “There is a market for inexpensive wine,” said Kathy Micken, Professor of Marketing at University of Arkansas in Bentonville. “However, branding will be very important.”
Customer surveys were conducted in order to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top 10 surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parq
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can’t Believe it’s not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
P.S. Don’t bother emailing to state you know this this is a hoax. I know possum is not really a white meat.KauaiHerb
If You Don’t Live On Kauai, What Are The Alternatives? July 18, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , 3commentsTo those of you who still have jobs, this might help you keep working.
For those of us not retired and not working, this might make us think about things.
And, for those of you who have retired, it might make you rethink the location. Perhaps Poipu wasn’t so bad after all.
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where….. 
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can retire to California where…
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long
it will take to get there20rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
You can retire to New York City where…
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ….
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn.
You can retire to Maine where…
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can retire to the Deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin’” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Jimmy Bob , Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.” It’s important to know the difference, too.
You can retire to Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can retire to the Midwest where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at? ”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”
AND You can retire to Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
Or does it typcial Kauai beach scene seem more appealing?
.
KauaiHerb
Last Minute Special August Rates at Hideaway Cove Villas Poipu Beach July 17, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentHideaway Cove Announces Rarely Seen Last Minute August Rates
It’s not often you’ll see rates this low at this upscale botique vacation rental. Due to a last mintue cancellation, the first two weeks are available in a air conditioned studio and one bedroom.
There’s a lot to enjoy in thesse villas with four poster carved pineapple beds, Egyptian cotton sheets, pillow top mattresses, rainfall showers and Jacuzzi tubs plus private covered lanais with out door dining and stainless steel barbecues with side burners. Rack rates for this busy time of the year are north of $200 per night, however these last minute rates begin much lower than that. Call 866-849-2426 for availability.
KauaiHerb
Dear Abby letters that left her at a loss for words July 11, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a comment 
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It is getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I do not know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I have suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again. Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $100.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
I have a man I cannot trust. He cheats so much, I am not even sure the baby I am carrying is his.
KauaiHerb www.hideawaycove.com
Wishes For My Grandkids by Paul Harvey July 11, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentWhat a great list of wishes for your grandchildren, huh?
Wishes For My Grandkids
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that sometimes I think we made them worse. So, here is what I wish for my grandchildren:
I’d really like you to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.
I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.
I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it’s all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he’s scared, I hope you let him. 
When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you’ll let him/her.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don’t ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won’t be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.
When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy/girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.
May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor’s window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukkah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you – tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it’s the very best way to appreciate life.
KauaiHerb
Did You Know…? July 10, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentMoney isn’t made out of paper. It’s made out of cotton.
The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
The dot over the letter ‘I’ is called a ‘title.’
A raisin dropped in fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom to the top of the glass.
Man is the only animal known who goes to bed when he isn’t sleepy and gets up when he is.
40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
315 entries in Webster’s 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
The 7-UP ’spot’ comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
Warren Beatty and Shirley McLain are brother and sister.
Killer whales kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark’s stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.
Ketchup was sold in the 1830’s as medicine.
Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
KauaiHerb
Thoughts to Ponder From The Lanai of Your Poipu Vacation Rental July 7, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentIt is one of the blessings of friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The hardest lesson in life is to know which bridges to cross and which to burn.
Author Unknown
Read, every day, something no one else is reading.
Think, every day, something no one else is thinking.
Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do.
It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity.
Christopher Morley
The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.
Michelangelo
Friendship consists in forgetting what one gives, and remembering what one receives.
Alexandre Dumas
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Mark Twain
KauaiHerb
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof–That’s the Plantation Tin Roof of a Poipu Vacation Rental July 6, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentCat On A Hot Tin Roof
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up.
The brother hesitated, then said, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but while you were away, your cat died.”
The man was distraught and yelled, “You know, you shouldn’t just give me terrible news like that all at once. You should break the news to me gently.
His brother says “How could I possibly have given you this terrible news gently?”
His brother says “Well to begin with, when I called today, you should have said that my cat was in a tree and wouldn’t come down. You could have also told me that the fire department had been called to get the cat down out of the tree. Then, that night, you could say the fire department was still working to get my cat down from the tree.
The next day you could have called and said that while attempting to get my cat out of the tree, it had fallen and been taken to the vet. It was in serious but stable condition.
The third day you could have said, that despite heroic efforts, my cat could not be saved and had passed away. Do you see how much easier it would have been on me to learn of this terrible news over three days, instead of the abrupt way you gave me the news?
His brother thought about it and apologized ”Yes, I’m so sorry I shocked you and I will learn a valuable lesson from this.”
The other brother says “I’m glad to hear that. By the way, how’s Mom?”
”She’s in the tree.”
KauaiHerb
The Zen of Vacation Rental Sarcasm July 5, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , 1 comment so farIts always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
KauaiHerb
You Know You’re In Trouble When… June 30, 2009
Posted by Herb in : 1 , add a commentYou Know You’re in Trouble When ..
Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.
Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and 60 Minutes is on line 3.
You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.
You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.
You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you’ve ever had.
You tell the barber what you think about his prices before you get your haircut.
Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of the vacation budget.
The simple instructions enclosed aren’t.
You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife.
Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.
The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out
KauaiHerb