NINAs for the Dead. (How Did We Get Here?)

Look, I know you’ve recently passed away but there’s no reason for you not to move forward with your loan. You were ”dying” for that new home. You’re concerned about our background check to see if you have a pulse, right?  Granted, we used to have a “foggy” mirror test to make sure our customers were breathing but that’s unnecessary now.  Our new program is called a NINA. Yes, NINA - it’s short for No Income, No Asset loan.  Heck, here in blank, (Ohio – you can Google (TM) it), we’ve already secured 22 other loans for people just like you.  You see, once your loan gets packaged together with other loans, it can be bought and sold to the financial markets all around the world.  Those markets are wild eyed for them.  We can’t keep up with the demand and that’s why we’re canvasing your final resting place for customers.  Packaging up loans into financial instruments that can be traded, means that whether or not one has the assets to pay one’s loan back is really non of our institution’s concern.  Think of us as a middleman if you will, between you, the home buyer, and the global financial markets.  Pretty exciting stuff, am I right?  Listen, I’ll draw up the paperwork and deliver it right to your headstone. Our goal, (pause here for dramatic effect), is to make your ever-lasting dreams come true. Now, isn’t that what life or lack thereof is all about?

July 8th, 2009